In the rain

Oh the adventures the day to day provide.

I am currently in my study, posted up on the futon with Lana Del Ray radio humming from my computer speakers. 

"Kiss me hard before you go.... I've got that summer time, summer time sadness,"

It's nearly impossible for me to get comfortable because of the ever present pain in my right thigh, neck, and shoulder. Why might you ask? Well because after our on location shoot in Northampton, MA a group of friends and myself decided to go go-karting. 30 minutes later I'm stationary in the track after slamming into one of the walls at 35mph to avoid a collision. Thank god for helmets, neck braces, and seat belts. I ended up being fine apart from the whiplash and seatbelt burn.

Today we uploaded and turned in our shoot from yesterday, apart from that there isn't much else exciting to share about my school day. It was cold, gray, and rainy here in Mass. Everyone was ready to go home and I was irrationally emotional upon waking this morning to begin with. However, when I got home a second wind hit me and all I wanted to do was go shoot in the rain.

There happens to be these two intersecting mountains that I pass maybe once or twice a week when I'm headed towards Amherst that I have developed a visual love affair with. Infront of them stretching from the road almost a mile back towards the mountain is an open horse ranch. It fascinates me because you would be hard-pressed to find anything not tucked away into trees. But there it was, a little slice of heaven cleared in the middle of no where. I decided that this was exactly what I was craving; grabbed my Mark III, tripod and took off in the Cavalier by myself for once. 

Of course there is a story to go with this as well. When I approach these mountains I've come to know so well, I see that right before the ranch there is an "excavation site", so I decided to park there to shoot. There I am in my thrifted lace up boots, skinnys and a flannel in the pouring rain; I have my camera inside of a plastic grocery bag on my tripod, with a hole for the lens. I'm climbing dirt mounds trying to get the shot that I want and getting soaked.

It was glorious.

After I wrap up my shoot I realize that I do not have my brand new Versace eye glasses that I came with.

I breathe, and start looking.

I climb up and down this 20 ft mound of mud searching and searching. Finally, digging through the brush, there they are in their crushed glory. Fear not, because they cost only $25 to replace. I climb back into my car absolutely caked in mud and rocks, with a stupid smile on my face. 

Soon I was back at my apartment and sunk nose deep into a long bubble bath to sooth my aching body. I needed the fresh air, I needed the rain, I needed the suds. 

I feel good.

I will now head over to a classmates to enjoy some dinner and maybe a movie. 

Life is pretty ok.

© Emily Rose Darrow

© Emily Rose Darrow

M.I.A: Post-traumatic update

So I went ahead and tanked my blog views, I know I know. Clearly from my last post, the end of my time at Columbia College of Chicago became quite chaotic. I do not intend on this happening again, and will be more frequent with my updates once more. I have missed the blog scene immensely. I feel mentally crippled when I am not writing frequently, and now that I'm in a speciality school I'm hardly exercising my creative penmanship. 

I digress. 

I would like to quickly update you all on the last month and a half because frankly, it doesn't have much relevance anymore. There are many more exciting things occurring in the now that I would like to gush about than what has already come and gone... however it is helpful to fill in the gaps for those of you who don't follow me personally.

Let's make a list shall we? 
Everybody loves lists. 

• Allie didn't end up moving that Sunday, I actually ended up leaving about a week prior to all of my friends.
• I was more or less ok with the way my final project turned out, maybe not thrilled, maybe I'm too close to it still to have an objective opinion. 
• I went for the leap of faith in coming to the Hallmark Institute of Photography in Turners Falls, MA in May and have now been residing in New England for the last three weeks.
• My roommate Aubrey and I have a terrible bug infestation problem that I will probably address regularly. 
• No second thoughts, Hallmark is the place for me. 

Now quickly let me fill you in on the things I have already experienced at Hallmark...

• Received more equipment than I know what to do with. (Cannon Mark III, 24-70mm lens, light meter, reflectors, tripods, harddrives, blah, blah, blah.)
• Sat in awe of my professors. ALL of them. (David Turner and Gregory Heisler, just look them up.)
• Drooled in awe of my surroundings (I live on a bridge overlooking god crafted fairytale landscape, no lies.)
• Took photos in Greenfield, MA and Brattleboro, VT.
• Took photos of a waterfall, while in the basin of the waterfall, during a thunderstorm.
• Breathed some fresh air, took a second look at nature, had good nights rest.

Overall, I am very, very happy. I am meeting some incredible people that I think I will be developing very deep personal and professional relationships with. 

Me (center) with some classmates from Hallmark on our impromptu waterfall shoot, right after the rain subsided.
(Photo by Jason Frank)

Now!!! I have already talked about more past-tense garbage than I wanted to, when what I really wanted to talk about was the carrer direction I am SO excited to discuss and start pursuing. So begins the long explanation of what will eventually be a condensed proposal for organizations and business that I'm looking for support from.

I want to open a studio in Detroit, Michigan.

Some of you read that and laughed audibly and some of you are quietly scolding under your breath, "What the hell is she talking about?" Maybe a few open hearts and open minds are smirking, continuing to read in the curiosity of where I am going with this. Well, here's how I have come to this realization in my future...

For a long time I had asked myself where I wanted to end up in my adult life; Do I want to be in the city? Would I miss the backroads too much? Do I want to be a famous photographer? You have to go to New York, overseas, or at least Chicago for that... right? Do I want a family? Do I want to be close to my family? What kind of photography do I want to do? What kind of photography is going to matter?

What I did know is that I wanted all of those things, and that I have a knack for portrait photography. Initially I equated with being successful or having a family as one or the other, and portait photography was what everyone does to pay the rent. My family all resides in Michigan and I didn't want to have to run off to feel like I had accomplished something in my career, but where was my purpose going to lie in the midwest state of Michigan? Then I remember what I had been overlooking all along, the city that had always been in my backyard. The diamond in the rough that so many people are trying to polish to shine once again. It's Motor City, and it was mine all along.

I am part of a generation that lacks icons. Hollywood isn't what it used to be, music isn't what it used to be, invention and discovery isn't what it used to be, social advocation isn't what it used to be. So I asked myself a question, what am I going to have to look back on? What's the point? I've finally found it in my home state. I want to be apart of the revitalization of Detroit. I want to be apart of a bigger movement and rebuild that I hope I can tell my kids about. We'll be walking downtown Detroit through the healthy hustle and bustle, and I'll tell them about when I was young how I was one of the believers that put the city back together. I want to be apart of a movement, not sit back and wait for it to happen. 

Honestly I could go on and on and on about this for probably a novels length, so I'll try to keep it as direct as possible. 

Right now, the rough sketch of this plan is to open my own portrait studio right downtown. Now this won't be any portrait studio. I want to provide servies for the families of Detroit that can't afford things like senior photos, family shoots, engagement and wedding photos. So many have shown the decay and poor conditions of Detroit, I think it's time that they see how beautiful these people are despite their condition. Even more than that, Detroit's condition isn't for entertainment, these are families who want to document their first borns, their family's growth, just as much as any other American family. 

I want to provide this service for them cost free. 

I am interested in contacting the local hospital, business, and organizations for support in donations, grants, and sponsoring. I'm hoping that there will be other people that are just as passionate about something like this. I also hope that I will be able to put together a crew of people that I want to work with me. Hair and makeup stylist, assistant, etc. Others that can see the potential in the city of Detroit.

Right now, baby steps. I need to organize my thoughts and start researching who I need to get in contact with. It's all about connections. There are a few initial steps I plan on taking, and individuals that I plan on contacting that I think will give me more concreate plans to share with you all. Hopefully over the next ten months this project will develop and I will be able to leave Hallmark and dive right in. What do you think? Who do you know?

I'm sick of hearing about how old I am, or the odds, or the danger. 

If you want to make a difference, you do it. 

So watch me.

"You never have to ask
I'm gonna love you, 
till you start lookin' back."

Lonestar, where are you, out tonight

My eyelids are heavy.

Norah Jones is serenading me in the background as I try to compose linar thoughts. So many things have happened in the last few days my head is spinning. In quiet moments like this I ask myself how I'm going to pull it all off. But seriously, how am I going to pull it all off? I suppose all I can do is wait and see.

Ah, Sarah McLachlan. Pandora knows me so well.
"I need some distraction, oh beautiful release. Memories seep from my veins,"

Sometimes, we feel hopeless. Today, I feel hopeless. I don't want to be a perpetual pessimist, but sometimes even small beauties can't trump the heartache. I spent a long weekend in Ohio; I meant to shoot some parts of my final project (inspired by paintings by Jack Vettriano example below) only to realize that I had brought my tripod, but not the plate to attach to my camera in order to use the tripod. While in tough situations I am usually resourceful, I was at a loss. I just wanted to sleep and give up. I think sometimes it's ok to give up though, not for eternity, just for a little bit. Giving up lets go of the worry and allows us a moment to breathe.

Example of a Jack Vettriano painting. They have always inspired me and I'm more than excited to try and incorporate his style into my photographs.

Adjusting- my back hurts. 

When I return from my disheartening trip, I rush to class and struggle with my consciousness as my head bobbed forward through poetry workshop discussion. Finally when class gets out I am excited to go home and tell Allie about my weekend and terrible day. I am then greeted with unwanted information... Allie is moving out on Sunday.

This came like a swift punch to the gut. Suddenly I feel like there are a thousand things happening faster than I can handle them; How am I going to finish my photo project? How am I going to move out of Chicago in four weeks? How am I going to get all of the furniture I need for my move? How am I going to have to refurbish the furniture I have? Am I going to be able to get my car fixed? Is my car going to hold up? How am I going to move ten hours away in five weeks?

How am I going to say bye to Allie in four days?

Life is terrifying, and I think that's something we all have to accept. Things happen quickly and we can either repel and ignore them or we can move through these obstacles with as much faith in ourselves as we can muster. 

I know today spoke less about my creative adventures, but sometimes one just needs to vent.

Heavy eyelids, say goodnight. 

Until next time. 

Gray sky, solo bird

This is the gray abyss I am presently admiring, just for some perspective. 

Gray days in Chicago seem perpetual. As soon as the sky teases you with some sunshine and rich blue tones hidden behind fluffy circus clouds, it immediately flattens to gray. The picture above is even more deceiving in the way that it tricks you into thinking that looking at these buildings, they have a warm tone. I can assure you they do not. Everything is overcast with gray.

But today, on this particular gray day, no shade of the sky will get me down.

I slept late because my class didn't start until three thirty. Slept might be an exaggeration- I laid in bed until about 2:00 and quickly readied myself and inhaled a peanut butter and jelly sandwich before dashing into the drizzle. I was too excited to sleep. Not only did I have the jitters because I was scanning craigslist for the last pieces of bedroom furniture I need for my move, but today was my creative non-fiction writing class.

Yes. I was excited for my writing class.

Why might you ask? I was excited because this particular workshop is based around ONE essay. One eight page essay on anything we so desire to write about. Mine was about a childhood memory. We pass out our finished essays the week before, and then they are critiqued and analyzed by my professor and peers the following week. Well this, was my week, and I was more than proud of the piece I turned in.

I received an outstanding response to my essay. I provoked exactly the questions I wanted to provoke and created the exact feeling I wanted to create. Along with the comments in class, we also get back one page written review from each person in the class. I was hungry for these responses. One of my peers wrote "I find this to be the best work from the class so far. Keep up the good work." As the very last person in my class of fifteen to share an essay, what could be a more profound compliment? Or a comment from my teachers response, "This is wild and painful stuff. Thank you so much for bringing it in."

I often have people tell me that I am a talented writer, but it's in moments like this where I really take that to heart. No one likes to think so highly of themselves, but I was really moved that I myself could move others.

Now I am sitting in my mothers pajama bottoms, socks, and a tank top at my kitchen island, staring at the gray. In a little while I will be on the phone speaking to my potential roommate and discussing the exciting future that's nearly at our finger tips. Then I will probably call my mother and then my father to share more of my excitement.

Until then, I will listen to the gray.
Enjoy this quiet moment lit by overcast sky.

Sleepy inspiration

It was a rainy day in the city.

After my late night last evening, I dragged myself from the confines of my sheets and began to come-to while on the L; forehead pressed against the glass, looking at the gray city through streaks of rain. I had my Art in Chicago Now class, where every week we visit different museums and galleries. It has really been incredible meeting all of these gallery owners and artists. Anyway, so we're walking to our fourth gallery and my teacher walks up next to me. Just a few moments before he hands me my midterm paper with a bold "A+" on the back. He looks at me and says "So that was really inspiring," I am completely off guard and don't know what he's referring to at first. When I scramble my thoughts and realize he is talking about my paper I stumble out, "Oh, really? Well- thank you!" He goes on to tell me that I really moved him and that it really shows that I am a writer. When I followed up his compliment with the news about my transferring it nearly broke my heart to see his- not disappointment- but sadness in what he described as "losing me."

I, am horrible, with goodbyes.

Other than class today I have been in bed and completely unproductive. I talked to Kim from Hallmark and my father a little bit more about school plans. I replied to some emails on inquiries of items I am trying to sell on craigslist for some extra cash. Then I slept some more.

Now I need to e-mail my photography teacher about my final, which I am fairly concerned about, (My final has been completely foreshadowed by this book that I'm creating, it's a problem) and I need to e-mail back a girl that I was introduced to today that will be attending school with me in May. She's from Michigan, which is obviously an immediate selling point when it comes to becoming friends. Haha. I'm still opposed to having a roommate but it will still be nice to have someone that I know I can talk to and seek out ahead of time.

Now that Allie is home and I have taken my nap hopefully I can find the motivation to be productive.

I'm attaching a video of one of the men that will be my teachers in my time at Hallmark, simply because it was refreshing to watch. I can't wait to be working with these professionals, these people that want to help me pursue the dream that they're still passionate about. Get inspired.

Phone photo taken at one of the galleries I attended today. I'm a romantic.

The rush

It is 3:18am and both my eyes and mind are starting to get fuzzy. My roommate, Allie, is laying at the foot of my bed, and I can feel my corneas frying even now staring at my monitor.

I had my photography class today, which would have been exciting and productive if not for having a sub. I got yelled at for trying to follow along in Lightroom on my laptop, "Can you please put that away and pay attention?" White my classmates heads are buried in notebooks, scratching doodles, I am being called out for actually trying to learn hands on... I shall not rant. I shall not. I hope you can feel my confused frustration for yourself.

Moving along, I was also disappointed about having a sub because I was supposed to share my prints from my last assignment with my teacher; it was supposed to be a color portrait of two separate subjects in two of their most common environments. I was ecstatic about these prints because they went SO WELL. Thus far, every time I have found my way to the printing lab, I leave in tears. The printers are terrible and something is always too dark or over saturated, and I leave with 15 horrid prints instead of the 4 that I needed. This time I needed four prints and every single one of them printed perfectly on the first try. Ah, so refreshing.

Oh goodness, my eyes are starting to water. I will shake off the pain.

Today I also had a phone conversation with my father about Hallmark finances. We've now applied for both the parent plus loan and Salliemae. By the end of the week we will choose the best and most logical option and I will be able to begin the housing process. Massachusetts is so close I can taste the east coast breeze. I am currently scrounging for both jobs and furniture. I'll take any photographic work I can get at any price in the weeks leading up to this move; proof that I am truly a college student.

Now for why my eyes have been staring at this screen for so many hours...

My next assignment to turn in for my photo class is a sequencing assignment; a series of photos in a book that tell a story. You get the idea. I believe I mentioned this assignment in one of my earlier posts, but a little repetition never hurt. I went to Ohio for a weekend to shoot this assignment. I used myself and a friend as the subjects, the idea has manifested into "the runaways". I described in more depth before what my images consisted of but I rather not say again because I want a bit of mystery now that the project is coming to its end. You never want to say too much about a great thing, eh? Maybe I'm praising myself a bit too much, but I'm excited about the results. The images will be printed in a hardcover 10x8in blurb book on premium luster paper.

I'm becoming increasingly tired and my sentences are probably becoming sloppy and incomplete, I will leave you with a preview of the cover image and retreat to my blankets.

Goodnight.

New beginnings

Ah, the title might be cliche but the statement is true to the facts.

Last week I made an announcement on my Facebook page that I will be OFFICIALLY transferring to Hallmark Institute of Photography... the big surprise? The big move to Turners Falls, MA will be in just five short weeks. Let me lend some explanation as to why I chose to leave so soon as opposed to in September.

Hallmark's May class is a brand new program- in the past the past they have only offered September and January sessions. Because the program is so new and they are trying to encourage more students to enroll, they are offering a $20,000 to all students that are accepted into the May session. So here I am talking to my college admissions advisor, Kim Kellen (whom is an absolute doll might I add), realizing that I could be saving money in debt that could equal out to ten years of my life. How do you pass that up? After the great difficulty of convincing my parents that this was a good idea, we are locked in and in action.

One of the more outstanding issues when it came to the move was the timing. You see, I finish classes at Columbia May 17th.... anddd classes at Hallmark start May 20th. How is this possible might you ask? Well when there is a five figure incentive on the table, you make the impossible possible. Over the last week I have gone through the process of asking my Columbia professors what I need to do in order to miss my last class of the semester in each of their classes, and I have been approved. This means I will be leaving Columbia the weekend of May 10th and on my way to Mass by the following weekend. Crazy? Terrifying? Exciting? Yes.

On a personal note... the hardest thing for me is not the mood or the new environment but rather the hearts I will have to part from. It will not be a hug, and pang of the heart, a "see you in a few weeks". I will be gone for ten months and probably will only return home twice in that span of time. First I will leave Columbia; hugging and holding on to my last moments with phenomenal friends like Monica Schmidt, Allie Okean, Quincy Jones, and Linda Biafore. Then I will have less than a week in Michigan  to say goodbye for a second time to life long and hometown friends like McKenzie Goff, Nina Smith, Allison Viera, Brittany Stalker and so many others. This might be me being dramatic or full of emotional mush, but human relationships mean everything to me. Don't even get me started on the dread I have when I think of my parents driving away. 10 hours sounds like life times while my heart attempts to process the reality of being so far away.

On the contrary, I have no regrets. I am so excited to take this next step in my career. How crazy that I will be graduated and done with my higher adult education in February 2014!? A professional at 19... goodness. The real world creeps up on you. Hallmark has so much to offer, not to mention the beautiful area in which I will be residing in. One hour from boston and three from New York, where my friend Monica will be in the Fall! Goodbyes are never forever, I know that. We all cross paths in the most exciting times in our lives. Constantly changing and advancing.

Below I am including the Hallmark YouTube link to videos of the school that give some idea of that amazing education and experience I will be a part of. I hope everyone is as excited to see the work I bring out of Hallmark as I am!

-Emily Rose

Hallmark YouTube Page